There’s an irritating side to being a bit mad. Your mind wanders continuously, you can’t concentrate on anything for more than a moment, and you find yourself constantly trying to remember what you’re supposed to be doing – whether it’s writing a paper, putting the washing on, or just getting to sleep. You stop in the middle of the road, halfway through a book, mid-sentence in an article, as if life isn’t supposed to be continuing without those you’ve left behind. A year ago or six months ago or last week, you’d never have belived you could live without the things – and the people – that matter the most in your life. Then something happens, and they’re gone. It feels like the world has ended for a while, but then, eventually, you realise it’s been a week, six months, or a year, and you’re still here, still alive, still walking slowly along the journey. We have an unprecedented capacity for adaptation, even to the worst of circumstances and even in the face of the most harrowing injustices. That doesn’t mean that we should accept the world as it is and never try to change it. It just means that sometimes it takes a tragedy to realise how strong we are.

My mind wanders restlessly from one thing to another, never stopping for long, and constantly in a state of curiosity. I’m afraid it isn’t a very ‘good’ type of curiosity though, it’s more of a confrontation with the world and a demand to know why bad things happen to good people. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do children die? Why do loved ones get derailed? Why are we surrounded by all the wrong people, and those we need the most are miles away? There’s no answers to these questions, and no reasons. We’re far too logical sometimes, we always need to know why things happen and how they’re justified. Our society is built on it. Law prosecutes those who commit offences, it isn’t supposed to harm innocent people. Welfare is handed out according to need, people with enough aren’t supposed to get any. We built society with the understanding that people should get what they deserve. But life doesn’t work like that. Bad people get away with bad things, and bad things happen to good people.

Wandering Mind Syndrome is the way the mind wanders when preoccupation with the woes of the world overflows, becomes overwhelming. It’s a kind of madness that creeps up on you when you can well do without it, when you need to take stock of the world and move on, and instead you find yourself lying awake at night, for hours on end, wondering, wandering, and feeling the rage of powerlessness in changing all the things that are wrong.

My mind wanders constantly, never stopping for long. Why this, why that, how can things be justified, what makes them acceptable to society. Even if something is acceptable to society, sometimes your conscience still bothers you.

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